Which One Are You?

Janet Jackson’s catchy tune “What have you done for me lately?” and John F. Kennedy’s famous quote from his inaugural address, “…ask not what your country can do for you — ask what can you do for your country,” can symbolize your view of a relationship. Where do you fall in your marriage?

For us, we try to do whatever we can to please one another. If I grab a bottle of water for the car or our room for the night, I grab one for Phillip, too. It’s not even a thought, it’s just automatic. And it goes for anything. If he makes a cup of tea, he always makes two. If I can make my husband’s life more comfortable with simple, loving gestures, I do. And vice versa.

Sometimes I’ll warm a towel or his robe in the dryer for him shortly before he steps out of the shower, or I’ll chill a wine glass in the fridge before he comes home from work. These aren’t hard things to do, they don’t take effort, and are so appreciated. My husband sometimes leaves little notes in the big soup pot that say, “I love you,” and I leave naughty notes in his briefcase. 

I learned very early on in our marriage that Phillip was a giver and a pleaser, and it made me want to do things for him in return. And so it went back and forth, back and forth. Now that’s a relationship cycle one would want to keep going!

Years back when I was about 20, there was a significant holiday – I can’t remember which one at this point – but I bought two cards and gave one to my grandmother and one to my grandfather. My grandmother smiled at me tenderly as she gave her card back. She put her arm around me and said, “Your grandfather and I are one; we share everything. We love your thoughtfulness, but we only need one card.” Then she kissed me on the forehead and that was that.

Married 61 years, they were loving and kind to each other every day. They held hands when they walked, when they sat on the couch, whenever they could. The memories are beautifully indelible. Their diamond celebration story: http://theletstalkmom.com/romance-and-spice/the-diamond-celebration/

So as I went into my marriage, I thought to myself I could think, “What have you done for me lately?” …or I could be a thoughtful spouse and say to myself, “What can I do for my husband?”

I know there are some people that might think I’m a wimp. Oh, contraire! When you are great to your significant other and your significant other is great to you, you are united, you are strong, you feel loved, and you are on the 61-year path.

The Bright Spotâ„¢  – When parents are strong together, the whole family benefits and thrives.

 

Blue Moon Blast Off!

What better way to end Summer Fun 2012 than with a sky full of colorful fireworks on the beach in New York!  A Blue Moon smiled down on us as my husband wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. I leaned my head on his chest, the scent of him, his cologne and cotton candy was intoxicating. We watched the children with delight, eyes wide with wonder, as they enjoyed the last few nights of warmth & sea air this late summer weekend. Music rocked the crowd and folks started dancing on the boardwalk. It was like a movie.

The next day we took the kids to the Intrepid to visit the newly-opened Space Shuttle Pavilion. I didn’t realize seeing it for the 1st time up close would actually take my breath away~more than once at that!

      

Phillip gently touched the wing. “Don’t touch!” I chided, snapping into Mom mode and pointing to the Do Not Touch sign. “It was in outer space,” he defended, “it’s a marvel and I cannot leave without touching it. Besides, look at the side here – meteorites hit it & gouged the side panels. I can’t not touch it, it’s within reach, I’m not even leaning!”

 

Later we toured the Intrepid aircraft carrier (see: http://theletstalkmom.com/tea-talk-momversations/immigrants-aliens-the-american-girl/ for another story about the Intrepid!)

This visit we learned Intrepid is almost as long as the Chrysler Building (pic on right) & when it housed 3,000 people, the cooks used to bake 700 loaves of bread & grill 1,500 chickens per day! Per day! For years! Puts its size in perspective…

The Bright SpotTM  – Phillip’s spot on: Enterprise, NASA, the astronauts & our space history are all truly marvels! Bravo to American ingenuity!

The Eyes Have It

 God created them. My parents fashioned them. Dr. Kornstein perfected them!

After Lasik, the first thing I could see the next morning was the time on the cable box across our bedroom. Prior to that, all I could see was a neon green fuzz-blob hovering over a 56″ TV. I couldn’t even see the big cable box!

I headed to the bathroom and saw my eyes for the 1st time without contacts. Naked. Pure. Not covered by tiny plastic discs or lenses & frames. Just big, green, clear eyes. I was free. I was amazed. It was like looking at myself for the 1st time and really seeing myself. 20/15 vision for years now, all thanks to Dr. Howard S. Kornstein.

(radio in the 80s)

For 30 years I wore glasses. Big, small, dark, light, wire frames, colors, patterned, corner decals, you name it, I tried it.

By 8th grade, I tried contacts but from Day 1,             I always had a problem with them. Didn’t matter the brand, they were dry and irritating and with a career in television, I’d slip in my contacts for   on-air and rip them out between newcasts.

When I was on the TV show, The Morning Mix, Jeff Lamb often raved about his laser surgery.

  

Morning Mix memories:

No way could I go through an eye surgery, I thought. Surgery awake – no way! Cutting an eyeball, eeewwww! Doctors even offered to do the surgery for free if I talked about the results on the air, but I just didn’t have the courage.

Then, years later, I heard about bladeless surgery with Lasik and thought I can do this! Bladeless? I’m in!

So my husband & I met with Dr. Kornstein. Calm, gentle and very self-assured, he guided us through the initial consultation. He made me feel very comfortable so he and his team proceded to tell us about the procedure. “And then the flap…” The what!  Flap started to come in & out of the conversation describing the cornea at certain stages. Wait a minute – I thought he was just going to beam some red light in my eye.

That’s when I started to feel queasy & woozy. “Please don’t use the F word again,” I warned as I started to feel myself wimping out. “I trust everything you’re going to do, please don’t tell me any more.” But they had to inform me about the procedure so I pointed to my husband, “He’s my other half, tell him,” and plugged my ears.

Sure, call me a baby, but that’s where I was at with my eyeballs and so be it! There were several visits to the doctor’s office for check ups before the surgery and each time we went I’d warn the staff & remind the doctor – no dreaded F word.

The day of the procedure I was very nervous and needed to talk to Dr. Kornstein but he was already in surgery. Pacing a while, I finally walked up to the receptionist and asked if anyone had ever walked out of the waiting room at this point. “No. You’d be the first.”

I headed to the elevator and pushed the button. My husband hugged me tightly and convinced me to get out of the elevator and go back into the waiting room. “I’ll see if I can get the doctor.” Dr. Kornstein came out to talk to me, “You’ve come this far, at any point you want me to stop before the procedure, I will.” You know, that’s all I needed to hear. I knew I was in good hands and started to relax.

There are several more check points before surgery and at each stage I told the staff, “Please don’t use the F word.” Everyone would chuckle and it lightened the mood.

When I was finally on the table, Dr. Kornstein gave me the option to leave. He was kind & confident and I said I would stay. A wonderful nurse stroked my arm through the whole procedure; she never stopped till it was over! I quietly hummed some odd tone the entire time, like a yoga ohm that wouldn’t stop. I spent so much time wondering if it bothered the doctor that it took my mind off what he was doing. I just couldn’t stop “ohming,” weird! And then before I knew it, it was done.

Dr. Kornstein was a miracle worker. I couldn’t go anywhere without my glasses or contacts for 30 years and for the last 8 years, I have this beautiful vision I never take for granted. And when our darling Grandma went blind, it hit home even more: Why I Love You & Is This The End

Our 7 year old had an emergency this week and he saw her straight away. He’s a Dad 1st and made our little one feel at ease in that oversized chair with the big googly-eyed equipment and stinging drops. All’s well, thank God, and thank you, Dr. Kornstein.

The Bright SpotTM  – The EYES have it!

Dr. Howard S. Kornstein, New York City or Westchester: 914 – 948 – 5157                                 Look at the left-hand column of this site for a link to Dr. Kornstein

The Dulcimer~Giving the Gift of Music

Our daughter just turned 7. For years, she’s always had an amazing ability to hear a tune on the stereo or radio & walk over to her keyboard, working out the song while she hums softly to herself.

The other day my dulcimer sprung to mind. Tucked away for years, I thought what better gift than to pass along this cherished and beautiful rosewood & mahogany instrument ~ custom made for me to every delicate specification. Sure enough, within 15 minutes she figured out Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on her own.

Here is a quick 2-minute video of me playing the dulcimer years back…then the video transitions into just the other day when our daughter opened the case for the 1st time. We play Twinkle together that 1st hour with Dad proudly videotaping & at the end of this clip, she is playing the dulcimer for Grandma in England via Skype delighted with her special gift. Yes, very exciting for Mama, indeed. Thanks for sharing!  xo~b

  

Wings

 
This month marks the anniversary of Daddy’s passing. It’s been many years now, but I can still picture that shocking moment like it was yesterday. Sudden, unexpected, heartbreaking.

I grieved deeply, crying a sea of sorrow…and I emerged strong, sturdy and resilient. Why?

Well, there are two main reasons. The first is because he was the most incredible father in the world to my sister and me and gave us unconditional love, time, tenderness and devotion.

The second reason dates back to when I was in college. His mother passed away and sometime later I was talking to him and asked him how he was not falling apart.

My father, one of seven children, said, “Although you haven’t seen my tears and pain, my parents raised me to be strong and independent; they gave me wings so one day I could start my own family and teach my children to be independent and give them wings. If I fell apart, my mother’s teachings would have failed, and there I will not fail her. That is completely different to my emotions which I feel deeply.”

                                                   So sometimes, especially the years close to when my father passed away, those poignant feelings would pierce my heart, but I wouldn’t fall apart, because that would fail him.

 

He gave me wings and I am blessed to be a mother now having the honor to teach my own children to be strong, loving future adults with wings.

    

Daddy’s legacy is indelible. And this lesson is true: Be present with your children. Of course you love them, but give them 100% of your attention, be truly present. You know, push the swing without the handheld…rather than texting someone who’s not there, focus on the one who is there – the person who thinks you’re the world! The person you are giving wings to.

The Bright SpotTM  – Daddy was kind & generous, and loved by his community. He was laid to rest on Valentine’s Day…appropriate for a man with such a big heart. To read all about my father’s story & see one of my *favorite pictorials*, click right here: http://theletstalkmom.com/tea-talk-momversations/daddy/

I miss you, Daddy, here’s to you!     xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hurricane Irene Pushes My Bright Spot!

Hurricane Irene ripped through metro New York and coastal towns in our area destroying homes and businesses. Our schools are closed for an extra week because of all the downed trees and power lines on the bus routes. Many people were left without power for a week; all I kept thinking about were the elderly, the disabled and all the Moms who have babies and toddlers to care for in the dark with no water. It also made me think very deeply of the 6-year-old little girl and her family we sponsor in Africa and how limited their resources are with power and water. It makes their plight and struggle for survival really hit home.

We were one of the families who were flooded; we had no power, no communication services, no running water. We’re on well water and when the power goes, so does the pump. Toilets don’t flush, oh, joy! Throw in a period the night of the hurricane and it can pretty much go downhill from there.

But Phillip was my hero, as usual, driving back & forth downtown filling gallon after gallon of water jugs. Sure, we prepared – we filled the tub – but at 2.5 gallons of water to flush, it doesn’t last that many days! He bought a load of Poland Spring and at first I felt so guilty flushing it down the toilet – literally! We used the “refilled” jugs for that and the remaining bottled spring water for drinking & brushing.

But before we could get downtown, we 1st we had to get out of our road – again Phillip & our son were my heros! A tree blocked our road. Neighbors were stuck. We’re far in the back country, near the horse farms and golf courses.

   

We are not a priority area, so I knew workers would not be clearing the end of our road for a while.

 

So in rain and heavy winds, my men cleared the way. I snapped pics, Little Petal supervised. A grand team effort in a time of family & neighborly need.

 

We had our battery-operated radio and listened to the radio station we air from weekly – WSTC & WNLK – it was the only outside communication we had. And we had dark chocolate-covered graham crackers – a must-have during this dodgy week!

With no electricity, time seems to pass more slowly. My stomach was still achy, brushing teeth was a misery trying to not waste the bottled water while cleaning the toothbrush, night came way too quickly and I just wanted to wash my hands!

My buttons were being pushed and I had to push back – I had to find my Bright SpotTM and make it a grand adventure! (See Mission: Bright Spot - 3rd flower tab in the nav bar above).

Finding your Bright SpotTM is not an easy task. The effort comes in times of adversity. But I decided to turn my situation into something great and memorable. We became pioneers and turned the hurricane recovery time into family fun time.

So what exactly was the Bright SpotTM in all this?? We all drove to my Mom’s house (my sister’s family had no power either) for hot showers, home-cooked dinner and good times all together. Then we bought dozens of battery-operated tea light candles and used them for the den, bedrooms, hallways, staircase, etc. It was very pretty. We had our 6-year-old pick out her favorite brand new flashlight and she played with the cats – chasing the little spot light here, there and everywhere. Our little one stayed in our room and we made shadow puppets on the ceiling with her new flashlight. We had friends over and in daylight hours played family games like Chutes & Ladders, Candy Land and I Spy.

We watched crazy men with bike helmets play golf on a flooded course – hello???

And because we had to eat out every day, I didn’t have to cook! And that means NO dishes…which in itself is its own Bright SpotTM!!

Summer Gala

Kenn is a very dear friend of mine and a well-known national television consultant for almost 30 years. We met more than 20 years ago & have worked together at two TV stations in Texas and Illinois. A few days ago, we met at an annual summer gala for an evening of dancing, laughing and reminicing.  

So neat about dates – my husband & I met on Father’s Day and Phillip shares my father’s birthday; Kenn and I share the same birth date, January 31st, and the same wedding anniversary in June. I always love that kind of stuff… 🙂

The evening was great fun, especially for our 6 year old who enjoyed dancing with Daddy, twirling & flying.

It was great to see old friends

 especially Luis who suffered a stroke a year ago, he looks fantastic now, thank God!!

 

The Bright SpotTM  – Family, friends and good times. Happy Summer!

The following story is about my greatest hero, thanks for sharing it with me. ~b

Daddy

My Daddy was my hero.

Kind and loving, generous and hardworking, he loved his family and we adored him.

Below is a photo tribute for my father. Happy Father’s Day, I miss you so.

 

The quote, “A Happy Childhood Lasts Forever,” sums up my father’s parenting style – an amazing storyteller, an excellent Santa, a funny Daddy who was bigger than a mountain and softer than a teddybear.

My father held us up and made us believe in ourselves. (Me in the 60s, my sister in the 70s):

 

One of 7 children,   (2nd in pic), he left his country and came to the USA in his early 20s, with no family, no friends, just a few dollars in his pocket, and worked tirelessly to put himself through college, met my mom, got his MBA,  

and they built & earned a life together living the American Dream.

 

                                                             (1st Christmas with mom)

He worked day & night to give my mom, sister & me an incredible life, for which we are forever grateful,  

 

but even with life’s ups & downs, there he was with a huge & brilliant smile – the most optimistic person I’ve     

ever known! My strength in “Mission: Bright Spot” (read above) comes directly from Daddy.

He founded 6 companies, and as busy as he was, he was never too busy for us. Daddy dropped everything if my sister or I phoned him or popped by the office. He would stop conferences mid-meeting and get up to kiss us & give us a great, big hug.

 

                                               

(Good eye if you recognized my favorite little blue daisy dress above in the picture from 23 years ago – it’s the same dress I wore last year for the photo in the above header of this website – I’ll never get rid of it! 🙂

 

Inventor of several patents, Daddy was a math genius and was there anytime we needed help with school work. Education was of the utmost importance to my father! Education and persistence.    

He always made it a point to pick us up at the airport. When we were little, he read to us at night, took us skiing, ice skating, sledding, horseback riding, boating, and every summer filled his car with neighborhood kids for a trip to Dairy Queen.

 

Daddy loved to dance…

 (gala in the 80s)

…but God needed him, so I never had the chance to dance with him at my wedding.

I met my incredible husband on FATHER’S DAY and Phillip & my Dad share the SAME BIRTHDAY! Signs everywhere!

At our wedding in England, Phillip’s wonderful father walked me down the aisle. Too weak to travel due to illness, my sweet father-in-law did not attend the wedding in the States.

God has called my dear father-in-law as well.  Now both Dads watch over us.

 

My father’s best friend, Ali, escorted me in the States.(Daddy and Ali goofing around in the 70s)

Many years have passed since my beloved father died suddenly and unexpectedly.

He was laid to rest on Valentine’s Day…appropriate for a man with such a big heart.

He was smart.

He was strong.

He was cool.

He was kind.

He was goofy.

And he was my hero.

My father loved children, it is clear.

   

He lives on in our family & our memories 

and I thank you for sharing this beautiful & poignant holiday with me.

Happy Father’s Day to all the Daddies in the world – no matter how busy you are, nothing can take the place of your quality time with your children. Nothing.

   

This note sits atop my computer screen. My father was an inspiration to me and to many whom he mentored. Charismatic, fearless, a visionary, entrepreneur, motivator, a true patriot, he was larger than life and is deeply missed by all who knew him.

The Bright SpotTM   –  

 

 

 

My Mom-Shirt Says It All!

Awakened by the sounds of supressed giggles & loud shhhushhing, the aroma of 24 roses and strawberry-cream chocolates, the sizzle of bacon, scrambled eggs & smoked salmon, the juiciness of a delightfully sweet fruit bouquet, and the sparkle of a gorgeous diamond droplet necklace, it was actually my new Mother’s Day t-shirt that said it all:   

Thank you to my dear husband for noticing…you know…how exhausted active Moms are!! Hahahahahaha!!!

 

But really, above and beyond all else, the cuddles & snuggles of my wonderful children, the sumputous kiss from my incredible husband, the birthday hats, the Mother’s Day song, the handmade cards & gifts created with such care, 

& the pure joy of sharing breakfast in bed as a family was the best Mother’s Day gift of all!

A Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there – now go put your feet up!! 🙂

The Bright Spot  – remember as you plow through the fog on a particularly tiring day – exhausted because everything you do is for your family because you love them so much, go ahead and take a moment to grab your kids and snuggle the daylights out of them, because time is short and those are the moments you’ll remember…not the dishes, not the laundry, but the special cuddle, the eskimo kisses, the sweet memories. Then go take a little time for yourself…the laundry will still be there when you get back!

Pixie Dust & Dolphin Kisses

Nothing can take the place of wonder & awe in a small child’s eyes.

Think back to a time when everything you believed in was true & sweet & simply pure magic.

 (3 years old)

Our little one just turned 6 ~ celebrate with us in this photo journey and thank you to everyone who has sent such lovely e-mails ~ I have shared every one with her!

It all started with a trip to the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique: choice of gown, hair in a princess bun with shimmering pixie dust, a wand, glass slippers, and a beautiful sparkling wishing star.

Cinderella had just finished dancing with Prince Charming…Sleeping Beauty & Snow White. 

   

The Fairy Godmother greeted Little Petal and her Baby Bambi at the door.

                                 Following her gown presentation in the dressing room…

     

   …it was time to transform into a little princess. Hair, nails, the whole royal treatment for Little Petal and her Baby Bambi – who was also sprinkled with pixie dust and given a matching crystal cheek applique.

Then it was time to meet Cinderella and have lunch with her in her castle!

   

  Cinderella enjoyed meeting Baby Bambi.

Snow White, Belle, Ariel and Sleeping Beauty made our little princess feel extra special, too!

                       

  

After making a big wish on her birthday candle and a wonderful farewell hug from Cinderella,

we enjoyed the Magic Kingdom where dreams really do come true…

…because the next morning, Little Petal awoke to the news that her dream of swimming with dolphins was about to come true!! (For more on her incredible love of sea animals, go to the story “Harmony & Magic,” posted on November 3, 2010)

 We spent a beautiful day at Discovery Cove swimming with sting rays, swimming through an aviary – protected by 2 waterfalls…and Little Petal’s favorite – swimming with a very sweet dolphin named Jenny – what an amazing experience!

The Bright SpotTM  – Creating memories with your family, for in the end, all we have are our memories.

A Must-see Video for All Dads

For anyone who has a Dad, knows a Dad, IS a Dad, or wants to be a Dad, this is for you!!
Phillip & I haven’t laughed so hard in years! Honoring Dads everywhere…
COTM Tulsa presents “Dad’s Life!” Be one of the more than 3 million people who have already enjoyed this!

The Bright Spot  – Dads Rock!!

« Previous Page — Next Page »