Which One Are You?

Janet Jackson’s catchy tune “What have you done for me lately?” and John F. Kennedy’s famous quote from his inaugural address, “…ask not what your country can do for you — ask what can you do for your country,” can symbolize your view of a relationship. Where do you fall in your marriage?

For us, we try to do whatever we can to please one another. If I grab a bottle of water for the car or our room for the night, I grab one for Phillip, too. It’s not even a thought, it’s just automatic. And it goes for anything. If he makes a cup of tea, he always makes two. If I can make my husband’s life more comfortable with simple, loving gestures, I do. And vice versa.

Sometimes I’ll warm a towel or his robe in the dryer for him shortly before he steps out of the shower, or I’ll chill a wine glass in the fridge before he comes home from work. These aren’t hard things to do, they don’t take effort, and are so appreciated. My husband sometimes leaves little notes in the big soup pot that say, “I love you,” and I leave naughty notes in his briefcase. 

I learned very early on in our marriage that Phillip was a giver and a pleaser, and it made me want to do things for him in return. And so it went back and forth, back and forth. Now that’s a relationship cycle one would want to keep going!

Years back when I was about 20, there was a significant holiday – I can’t remember which one at this point – but I bought two cards and gave one to my grandmother and one to my grandfather. My grandmother smiled at me tenderly as she gave her card back. She put her arm around me and said, “Your grandfather and I are one; we share everything. We love your thoughtfulness, but we only need one card.” Then she kissed me on the forehead and that was that.

Married 61 years, they were loving and kind to each other every day. They held hands when they walked, when they sat on the couch, whenever they could. The memories are beautifully indelible. Their diamond celebration story: http://theletstalkmom.com/romance-and-spice/the-diamond-celebration/

So as I went into my marriage, I thought to myself I could think, “What have you done for me lately?” …or I could be a thoughtful spouse and say to myself, “What can I do for my husband?”

I know there are some people that might think I’m a wimp. Oh, contraire! When you are great to your significant other and your significant other is great to you, you are united, you are strong, you feel loved, and you are on the 61-year path.

The Bright Spotâ„¢  – When parents are strong together, the whole family benefits and thrives.

 

Wings

 
This month marks the anniversary of Daddy’s passing. It’s been many years now, but I can still picture that shocking moment like it was yesterday. Sudden, unexpected, heartbreaking.

I grieved deeply, crying a sea of sorrow…and I emerged strong, sturdy and resilient. Why?

Well, there are two main reasons. The first is because he was the most incredible father in the world to my sister and me and gave us unconditional love, time, tenderness and devotion.

The second reason dates back to when I was in college. His mother passed away and sometime later I was talking to him and asked him how he was not falling apart.

My father, one of seven children, said, “Although you haven’t seen my tears and pain, my parents raised me to be strong and independent; they gave me wings so one day I could start my own family and teach my children to be independent and give them wings. If I fell apart, my mother’s teachings would have failed, and there I will not fail her. That is completely different to my emotions which I feel deeply.”

                                                   So sometimes, especially the years close to when my father passed away, those poignant feelings would pierce my heart, but I wouldn’t fall apart, because that would fail him.

 

He gave me wings and I am blessed to be a mother now having the honor to teach my own children to be strong, loving future adults with wings.

    

Daddy’s legacy is indelible. And this lesson is true: Be present with your children. Of course you love them, but give them 100% of your attention, be truly present. You know, push the swing without the handheld…rather than texting someone who’s not there, focus on the one who is there – the person who thinks you’re the world! The person you are giving wings to.

The Bright SpotTM  – Daddy was kind & generous, and loved by his community. He was laid to rest on Valentine’s Day…appropriate for a man with such a big heart. To read all about my father’s story & see one of my *favorite pictorials*, click right here: http://theletstalkmom.com/tea-talk-momversations/daddy/

I miss you, Daddy, here’s to you!     xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo

Blind Kitty ~ Humanity at its Finest!

We have rescued many animals (you can see more on the Moussie Tales side bar on the left-hand column of this site) & our family was so touched by this video.

God bless the folks who adopted this blind little kitten. Watch this tender video as Oskar discovers his very 1st toy:

Flippin’ Freezing!

Okay, what’s up with that surprise Autumn Nor’easter that pelted New England this weekend! Heavy wet snow, no power, no water, no heat, I could go on but really just click here & read http://theletstalkmom.com/tea-talk-momversations/hurricane-irene-pushes-my-bright-spot/ – then insert FLIPPIN’ FREEZING at the end of that story!!

I was at a bridal shower when the lights went out. It was pretty watching the snow flutter past the picture windows as we toasted the bride-to-be by candlelight.

But the ride home wasn’t pretty at all.

Trees still full with colorful Autumn leaves were heavy with snow and easily snapped over power lines and across roadways.

Yes, crazy me snapped photos so I could blog it for you.

It was daunting and awesome at the same time.

I was thankful when I finally got home. Our road looked very beautiful.

A Winter Wonderland in October…that doesn’t even sound right. Didn’t look right either with pumpkins under snow, it wasn’t even Halloween yet. Bright red Autumn leaves dripping in glistening ice, flowers covered in a blanket of snow.

 

 

 

 

 

The Bright SpotTM  – The power is now back on, thank God. Since I enjoy the snow (not the power cuts!), sledding is always fun with the kids. My window where I write is pretty to look out of, we had friends over during the outage who brought wine & cheese, apples and dips, we ate dinner out each night and we did a lot of extra snuggling to stay warm. 😉 b

Soft Hands, Warm Heart, Now that is Strength!

Teach your children to be kind to animals, to use gentle hands and soft voices. A respect of nature and the world we live in will always serve them well. 

Meet our newest furry baby from the shelter. Her name is Purr.

The examples we set as adults have profound effects on our children. The way they treat each other and other living beings they learn from you.

It’s easy to be tough, cool and sometimes even mean, but to be big & strong and still kind and loving, now that’s a real gift! A treasure for a lifetime for all who receive that love.

The Bright Spot – I am proud of my children, my husband and my parents. Thank you, Mom & Dad, for giving me the gift of Soft Hands, Warm Heart. You were the greatest teachers and I love you!!

My Mom-Shirt Says It All!

Awakened by the sounds of supressed giggles & loud shhhushhing, the aroma of 24 roses and strawberry-cream chocolates, the sizzle of bacon, scrambled eggs & smoked salmon, the juiciness of a delightfully sweet fruit bouquet, and the sparkle of a gorgeous diamond droplet necklace, it was actually my new Mother’s Day t-shirt that said it all:   

Thank you to my dear husband for noticing…you know…how exhausted active Moms are!! Hahahahahaha!!!

 

But really, above and beyond all else, the cuddles & snuggles of my wonderful children, the sumputous kiss from my incredible husband, the birthday hats, the Mother’s Day song, the handmade cards & gifts created with such care, 

& the pure joy of sharing breakfast in bed as a family was the best Mother’s Day gift of all!

A Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there – now go put your feet up!! 🙂

The Bright Spot  – remember as you plow through the fog on a particularly tiring day – exhausted because everything you do is for your family because you love them so much, go ahead and take a moment to grab your kids and snuggle the daylights out of them, because time is short and those are the moments you’ll remember…not the dishes, not the laundry, but the special cuddle, the eskimo kisses, the sweet memories. Then go take a little time for yourself…the laundry will still be there when you get back!

Pixie Dust & Dolphin Kisses

Nothing can take the place of wonder & awe in a small child’s eyes.

Think back to a time when everything you believed in was true & sweet & simply pure magic.

 (3 years old)

Our little one just turned 6 ~ celebrate with us in this photo journey and thank you to everyone who has sent such lovely e-mails ~ I have shared every one with her!

It all started with a trip to the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique: choice of gown, hair in a princess bun with shimmering pixie dust, a wand, glass slippers, and a beautiful sparkling wishing star.

Cinderella had just finished dancing with Prince Charming…Sleeping Beauty & Snow White. 

   

The Fairy Godmother greeted Little Petal and her Baby Bambi at the door.

                                 Following her gown presentation in the dressing room…

     

   …it was time to transform into a little princess. Hair, nails, the whole royal treatment for Little Petal and her Baby Bambi – who was also sprinkled with pixie dust and given a matching crystal cheek applique.

Then it was time to meet Cinderella and have lunch with her in her castle!

   

  Cinderella enjoyed meeting Baby Bambi.

Snow White, Belle, Ariel and Sleeping Beauty made our little princess feel extra special, too!

                       

  

After making a big wish on her birthday candle and a wonderful farewell hug from Cinderella,

we enjoyed the Magic Kingdom where dreams really do come true…

…because the next morning, Little Petal awoke to the news that her dream of swimming with dolphins was about to come true!! (For more on her incredible love of sea animals, go to the story “Harmony & Magic,” posted on November 3, 2010)

 We spent a beautiful day at Discovery Cove swimming with sting rays, swimming through an aviary – protected by 2 waterfalls…and Little Petal’s favorite – swimming with a very sweet dolphin named Jenny – what an amazing experience!

The Bright SpotTM  – Creating memories with your family, for in the end, all we have are our memories.

Why I Love You

When my beloved father died suddenly and unexpectedly of a heart attack, my sister’s and my life completely changed. He was the most special Daddy and we adored him.

Thanksgiving was the 1st big holiday without him and the empty dining room chair at the head of the table was a cutting reminder he wasn’t coming back.

One of the million things I learned from my father was to tell people why they are so special.

So when I learned earlier this year a close friend of 40 years was very ill from lung cancer, I not only rushed to her that day to tell her why I loved her so much, but I also wrote her a long letter of each and every little thing that made her special to me.

She loved my children like her own grandchildren and they even called her Nana.

It gutted me when she died, but I had no regrets. She knew how much I loved her.

We’ve just returned from Europe.

We took the children out of school and spent the Thanksgiving holiday in England. Of course, England doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving but it was a time to give thanks and tell a very special and significant woman in my life why she means the world to me.

Yes, it was that time again – Thanks…giving – a reminder to give deep thanks for why the people around me are so special and wonderful because there may not be another time – we had received a phone call that Grandma was in the hospital. So off we went!

We spent every day with her. She loved to have her arms stroked, and her grip was strong and purposeful as she hugged. She listened intently as our 5 year old sang her dozens of songs.

Grandma is blind. She lost her sight 2 years ago. She said to hear her grandchild’s voice in song was simply precious.

Every day her room was filled with grandchildren, aunts, uncles, cousins and in-laws. Our visits were happy and loving, joyous and tender.

I spent my time with her telling her all the reasons I loved her. There are so many, it took all the days we were there to tell her.

The point is I learned the lesson my father taught me – tell those special to you how much you love them – you see, I didn’t wait until now to tell this incredible woman how much she means to me, I’ve been telling her throughout the years. But this week, I went over everything again just to reiterate how important she has been in my life, in my marriage and as a parent.

Next year will be 60 years with her husband, a beautiful role model of the most loving marriage.

The Bright Spot  – You have time right now to call that special someone in your life and tell them why you love them so much. Don’t wait. Because life can change in a flash and you don’t want to have any regrets.

 

How Do You Measure Time?

(This is a special 3-part post that runs from December 21 – December 28th. As you read down the page, you’ll know what I mean.)

I am so tired of people being offended by holiday greetings, holiday decorations, holiday traditions.

I just heard in the news yesterday that some people in England want everyone to take down their outdoor Christmas decorations because it depresses and offends them because they don’t celebrate Christmas and have no decorations.

Please read Mission: “Bright Spot” in the navigation bar above – just click on the flower.

There you will learn much about me…including that I come from a very large, close-knit, multicultural, multi-religious, multi-international, multi-lingual family.

We were raised to be open and accepting of all cultures and religions; raised to be respectful and open-minded. To be kind and thoughtful of other families’ customs and celebrations.

If you want to put up a tree, put up a tree. If you want to light a Menorah, light a Menorah. If you want to drink from a Kikombe cha Umoja Unity Cup for Kwanzaa, drink from the cup, but for God’s sake, stop your cantankerous yammering, put on your happy face and let the world celebrate…together!

Embrace the differences.

(Our Snowy Village and Christmas Tree)

 

I remember one year buying a Mezuzah for my brother-in-law. I had one of the Rabbis explain what it was. I initially liked its beauty but when he explained what it was, I was doubly excited.

As it was December 22nd, the Rabbi asked me what it was for. “It’s a Christmas present for my brother-in-law,” I beamed.

I explained that my father was Muslim, my mother a Lutheran, my sister and I were baptized Protestant, we went to Catholic schools for 17 years and my sister married a Jewish man, and that was just a glimpse of my very unique family…then the Rabbi hugged me and said, “You are what the United Nations should be!”

Today, my sister called to tell me her husband collapsed and was rushed to the hospital unconscious. As I wait here with the children, I can only pray. And then pray some more.

One of my cousins had sent me the following in an e-mail. It asks “How Do You Measure Time?”

The author is unknown but the message is clear. We don’t know how long we have with one another, so enjoy every moment.

To realize the value of 4 years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize the value of 1 year:
Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize the value of 9 months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize the value of 1 month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of 1 minute:
Ask a person who has missed  the train, bus or plane.

To realize the value of 1 second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident.

To realize the value of a friend or family member: LOSE ONE.

Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have.

And hold on tight to the ones you love!

The Bright Spot   – I have the power of prayer in my belief system. You may believe otherwise, but that’s the beauty of this nation.

We are strong because we are different. Don’t worry about who’s celebrating what. Celebrate with them and enjoy  life!

UPDATE ON THIS STORY (the following morning):

As soon as the kids were off to school, I drove to the hospital which was more than an hour away (my husband went yesterday). And thank God I left so early! Here’s why:

My sister set off shortly after I left. We planned that I would visit my brother-in-law 1st in Intensive Care while she waited in the lobby with their little one. Then we would switch and I would watch their daughter while she visited with her husband. (Their little one wasn’t allowed upstairs because of a bad virus). 

During my visit I found out that he had been feeling very ill, had picked up this virus while away on business, and then really felt ill yesterday morning. He felt so delirious, he could no longer make out the numbers on his phone to dial 911, so he called out to a neighbor nearby, waving, “Help me! Help me please!” She looked at him and drove off. He said he felt like he was dying and he didn’t want to die at home alone, he wanted to get to the public so he went to the nearby coffee shop and staggered in, telling the owner he was a diabetic and needed help.

The owner yelled at him that he must be drunk because he was slurring his words so the owner called the police – not an ambulance!! Then he threw my brother-in-law out the door and told him to wait outside for the police – excuse me, it’s 20 degree weather here!!  No longer able to stand, he waited on the ground, delirious, weak and shivering.

The police arrived. My brother-in-law had just his last ounce of strength left to mumble he was a diabetic and was feeling very strangely and then he passed out.

Doctors told us when the ambulance arrived, glucose levels in a healthy body are supposed to average 100, his count was 1,700 and that he was close to slipping into a coma and was 10 minutes from dying. They actually say he is a “prime case study” because none of them knew how he didn’t die. Now I ask you – where is all this holiday spirit of love and giving and kindness and helpfulness? I was just sick when I heard all this!

So then, while I was visiting him in Intensive Care, a call came in from a hospital staff member telling me that my sister had slipped in the lobby, cut her hand on some rusty metal and was in the Emergency Room undergoing treatment, a Tentanus shot, and x-rays and could I come and get the little one.

The day was long for all of us. So what’s the Bright Spot  in all this??

I remembered my own blog post above from yesterday – how do we measure time, how do we value time? I was with my sister, brother-in-law and niece. I was there to be a helping hand. I was there for a reason. It’s 2 days before Christmas Eve, our big celebration, when I could have been flitting about with last-minute preparations. And tomorrow is a big show on our radio program, I could have been preparing guest questions, etc…

But I was with family ~ and there was no other place I would have rather been but right there in the hospital…valuing my time with my loved ones.

UPDATE December 28th:

My brother-in-law has now finally been moved out of the Intensive Care Unit, thank God. He will be in the hospital for quite some time. Thank you so much for all of the e-mails that were sent to us last night – we appreciate it!

Thank you from my family to yours. Hold those you cherish close to you as you celebrate the New Year.

Tea Cups

Our sweet, adorable “Uncle” George passed away at the age of 95. 

He was the consummate gentleman.

Always held the door open, always in a suit, tie and outdoor hat to go to dinner – no complaints or excuses even as he wearied in his 90s.

He was a devout religious man, a boy scout, an engineer, a loving husband, an incredible man.

My husband’s father and my father had both passed away and George became the

Patriarch of our family. 

His beloved wife, Mildred, had passed away about 16 years ago and we met George the following year ~ he lived next door to my sister on the beach – this is her lovely house at sunset – simply glorious.

Mildred and George had no children; we “adopted” George into our family and for 15 years we shared every holiday, every birthday and every regular day in between as family.

He even had a cell phone on our family plan. 

For George’s 90th birthday, we had more than 80 people at our home to celebrate. We set up huge foam poster boards with photos from his youth – he kept those boards all around his home for years.

Whenever we visited George at his home, he would make tea. It was our very own special tradition – he always had delicious goodies and a fine story to tell.

But the time came when George wasn’t feeling well. He asked us what we would like from him to remember him by.

He knew very clearly we never wanted anything but his love, strength, model of life for our children and model of love and communication for our marriage. But he asked more persistently as he was dissolving his material things so I said we would be honored to have his tea cups.

We would enjoy them throughout our lifetime and think of him.

Little Petal’s Fairy Princess Tea Party for her 4th birthday was inspired by George ~ for he gave us these gorgeous porcelain tea cups that he and Mildred had collected from all around the world.

We honored his gracious gift by telling that story to everyone at the tea party

and we all clapped in his honor.

Below is Little Petal turning 4 and her adorable friend – all the little princess were

so naturally gentle with the porcelain. So sweet and beautiful to see.

We miss our Uncle George very much but we know he longed to be with his dear wife so much.

Phillip and our son were pallbearers, carrying George to his final destination beside his beloved. Both said doing so was very healing for them.

George had brought flowers to Mildred’s resting site every single Saturday for 16 years. He is a model for all of us.

The Bright Spot  â€“ If we all bring one lonely person into our lives, we can change this world one snuggle at a time.

Please go to the Radio Show flower in the navigation bar above and listen to the show we broadcasted Live on November 4, 2010 – it’s now archived on this site ~ we talked about this wonderful way to integrate our Senior Citizens into our families, our lives (and the conversation after the elderly and children about World Vision reduced me to tears.)

Our Senior Citizens are the walking treasures of history, story-telling and love from a time gone by. Grab hold before their story is gone. Everyone in the family benefits and your experience will last for a lifetime!

« Previous Page